2012: Year of Awesome

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I am so glad 2011 is gone. It has been a challenging year. Once again, I was followed around by the black dog, and when I sat down to reflect on my accomplishments in 2011, I couldn't think of anything, other than work. And as we all know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

As always, I have many resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. One of them is to pay more attention to my blog. :) A lot of my goals are the same as they have been for years: write more, spend more time doing creative things, lose weight.

So how did I do today, my first day of taking a new path? Well, it was hard. I could tell when I wanted to eat out of boredom. I didn't get enough water that I needed to drink today. But I did get through washing the laundry, and I cleaned up some trash in two different hotspots in the house. There are still many hotspots to clean, but I did get something done at least.

I am trying to stay positive and motivated. I have to fake it 'til I make it, because I absolutely cannot keep living this way. I will be 40 this year. I want to look back in December, and say yes, I did what I set out to do. I followed through. Following through is the hardest part.

Living Divine in 2009!

Well, constant reader, another year has come and gone. Alas, I feel I don't have much to show for it.

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living."
—Gail Sheehy

Ain't that the truth?

So this year is going to be different. I know I've said that a thousand times before. But this time, change has to take place. I spent most of 2008 in a dark depressive funk, one in which I didn't think I'd be able to drag myself out of. I wasn't even looking forward to the holidays.


DD had to put up all the Christmas decorations (which we took down today, by the way). If it weren't for her, we probably wouldn't have decorated at all; possibly, we wouldn't have even had a Christmas.

But somehow, it all came together, in spite of my negativity.

So, you ask, what has changed me today as compared to yesterday?

Several things, most notably, I'm damn sick and tired of feeling mentally like shit and feeling like I can't do anything about it. Yesterday, as I reflected on 2008, I realized that yet another year had went by (in a blink), and I had nothing to show for it. I didn't go anywhere new; I didn't learn anything new (except knitting); and most of all, I am stuck in the same patterns of behavior—which lead nowhere except to the Well of Self-Pity.

I hardly journaled at all last year. So many days are lost because I didn't record them. I don't know how I fell out of the habit, but somehow I did, and that was not fun to realize. Keeping a journal is important to me, so that is one habit I will be taking back up this year in 2009.

Also, I plan to focus on my spirituality, spending more time in quiet contemplation, while living in the world. Being a kinder, less reactive person will be difficult for me to accomplish, but it will happen.

Getting our finances in order is my number one priority. DH & I plan to take a Financial Peace University class offered at the bank, and I think it will not only help our finances, but help our relationship as well.

This will be a year of change; I plan to keep a record here on this blog.

Today, I began by simply taking a walk around the neighborhood. It wasn't too cold. DD went with me. We had fun. The earth is in repose now, waiting patiently for spring. I feel that I've been waiting far too long for my own spring to come, but now, it's finally here.

Wish me luck.

Happy New Year!

"Re-Create in 2008!" is my goal for the year.

Although I did accomplish some things in 2007, I still managed to drift through the year. As I reflect on 2007, I wonder where the time went. What do I have to show for it?

I'll be 36 in June, and 35 hit me hard: where am I now and where am I going? Is this where I want to be? If I died right now, would I die happy? In some respects, yes, but in other respects, no.

So, as I come out of yet another depressive episode, I am going to make a conscious effort to turn my life in the direction I want it to go. What direction that is, I'm not quite sure yet, but to get there, I actually have to DO something, not just sit back and wait for it to happen to me. If I wait, life will just keep drifting by.

Here are the first ten goals I want to be sure to accomplish in 2008. [I also have started a list of 101 Things in 1001 Days (I actually started in 2006), but I still have to type up the whole list.]

Ten Goals I want to accomplish in 2008:

1. Write letters or send postcards to different friends monthly. (0x12)

2. BUY absolutely NO MORE books in 2008, until I have read my entire To-Be-Read pile, unless I get birthday or Christmas money. :)

3. Return library books on time to avoid fines.

4. FACE finances: quit impulse buying and frivolous spending.

5. Blog daily and journal daily. (1x366; 2008 is a leap year.)

6. Save $15 per week (1x52)

7. Organize two bedrooms, living room, dining room, and computer room by the end of Feb. 2008, or else pay DH $1 for everything not done. If I win, he will give me half his paycheck for two months. :)

8. Pay off new computer (which is still sitting in a box in the dining room).

9. Pay bills on time.

10. ????

D29 -- Year-End Review

Journals:

#58 = "As Long as You Live, Live!" (Jan-Feb 2006; 354pp)
#59 = "Along a Winding Road" (March 2006; 192pp)
#60 = "Found Passions" (March-April 2006; 208pp)
#61 = "Song of Happiness" (April-May-June 2006; 401pp)
#62 = "Metamorphosis" (June-July 2006; 192pp)
#63 = "Dreaming in Reality" (July-August 2006; 300pp)
#64 = "A Deliberate Life" (Sept-Oct 2006; 384pp)
#65 = "Gossamer Strands Everlasting" (Oct 2006; 158pp)
#66 = "Unexpected Opportunities" (Oct-Nov 2006; 272pp)
#67 = "WordCrazy" (Nov-Dec 2006; 160pp)
#68 = "VisionSeeker" (Dec 2006; 240pp)

for a total of 2861 pages, 10 journals (1100 more pages written than 2005!)

Books: I read over 72 books this year.

Nanowrimo: I wrote over 55,000 words and completed my story. :)


2006 was... a year of mostly the sameness. We didn't go anywhere or do anything special. We saw a few movies here and there, most notably, "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."

DD passed into first grade, and she has learned to read, add, and subtract. She is even writing us letters!

DD & I went to my cousin's wedding in Evansville, IN, in September. I saw my Floridian grandmother, but unfortunately, it was a quick trip. I wish I could have spent more time with her. DD & I also visited one of my college roommates and went to another friend's baby shower. Both my roommate and my friend had babies this year, and I have a (different) cousin who is due at the end of January 2007--all babies are boys.

Healthwise, I had two UTIs (!), probably due to dehydration or possibly stress. (One of my 2007 goals is to drink more water.) Otherwise, except for a few colds, we were all healthy--thankfully.

The weather was HOT all summer long. We never did get around to going to the town pool (I so detest public swimming pools!), but we did go to a newly opened waterpark, which was fun. DD was a little too young to go down the big slide, however.

In June, we had a yard sale, and made about $250. I used the money to buy groceries. Would you believe that here at the end of the year, I still have garage-sale leftovers sitting on the front porch!?

I found my muse again, and spent all of October and November writing. But just as suddenly as the muse had returned, it faded away, and I am now trying to get caught up on blog entries.

I cleared out some stuff that was cluttering my brain; hitting the delete button on old emails and such was more gratifying than I had anticipated, and I don't feel as if getting rid of that stuff was any big loss. I had held onto some of it because at the time, I couldn't bear to part with it, but when I felt I needed to get rid of it all, I hit delete with no hesitation. That surprised me most--that I didn't even hesitate.

DD & I went to the library a lot. I held onto two books until the end of December, renewing them every two weeks. I finally finished reading them and returned them. One of my 2007 goals is to read what I check out in the time period allotted and avoid overdue fines. :)

Time has flown this year. I look back on 2006 and wonder where the time went. It seems like only yesterday that I was castin off 2005, and here I am, casting off 2006. My motto of 2006 was "A New Hope," and I think I lived up to that, pretty much. I did have some bad days, but none of them were as bad as I felt during 2005.

2007 is going to be My Year of Victory.

D28 -- 50 Year-End Questions

(read last year's entry; survey originally from an Yahoo e-list)

> What are your resolutions/good intentions for the New Year?

I have several. I will write about them in a separate entry.

> What happened in your life that you never expected to happen?

My depression seemed to lift.

> What is one thing you did that you have never done before?

I really didn't do anything that I haven't done before, except try to follow through with goals.

> What were your biggest achievements?

Completing NaNoWriMo 2006 with over 55,000 words.

> What were your biggest challenges?

Getting the kid to eat without an argument.

> What is your biggest regret?

Not spending enough time with my kid because I was too drained at the end of the day.

> When were you happiest?

When I was following through on my goals.

> Who was your best friend?

My DH

> Who surprised you this year? In what way?

I'm too cynical to be surprised.

> Who did you admire most this year?

????

> Who were you in love with?

My dogs

> What was the most important lesson you learned?

Time really does heal all wounds.

> What was your favorite TV show?

"Lost" and "Battlestar Galactica"

> What was your favorite film?

"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"

> What was your favorite book?

There were no really great books I would single out as a favorite this year.

> What was your favorite food?

chocolate Hershey candy bars

> What was your favorite song?

"Breathe (3 a.m.)" by Ana Nalick, I guess

> What were your favorite phrases?

???

> What did you do for your Birthday?

I don't even remember what I did on my birthday.

> Which was your favorite Holiday?

Christmas

> What was the best gift you gave?

PotC: DMC video to DH

> What was the best gift you received?

Postsecret.com's book "My Secret"

> What did someone say to you that surprised you?

????

> What was your hobby?

Keeping a journal

> What new discoveries did you make?

That I am still going to be okay.

> What was your guilty pleasure for the year?

chocolate Hershey bars

> What did you do on an average day?

Work.

> What was your fashion like?

Same stuff I've worn for years

> What was your career/job like?

same

> Did you make more/less/same amount than the previous year?

same

> What new skills did you learn this year?

none

> What do you think was your most valuable contribution?

Helping DD learn to read

> What lesson(s) did you learn about yourself?

That I would change nothing, and that where I am is where I want to be

> What were the most significant events of the past year?

????

> What were you afraid of?

Falling apart.

> What was your most memorable journey?

to Evansville, IN, for my cousin's wedding

> Which did you do more of? Smile or cry?

Neither.

> Did you make any new friends?

No.

> Did you lose any old friends?

No.

> Did you have any births/deaths in your family?

Two of my friends had babies; one of the friends lost her mother in November.

> Did you fall in love/out of love?

No.

> What is your newest tech item?

???

> What was your most extravagant purchase?

I tried not be extravagant this year.

> What should you have done more of?

played with DD

> What should you have done less of?

feeling angry; arguing

> What made the biggest difference in your life?

Realizing where I belong.

> What gave you joy?

Finding my passions again.

> What made you sad?

The monthly Crazies

> What is your motto for the year?

2005: Glad I'm Still Alive (I think)
2006: A New Hope
2007: My Year of Victory